INTRODUCING: AMADO

Amado from Jason Maze on Vimeo.

BEERS ANNOUNCE UNPRECEDENTED FIRE SALE AMIDST FINANCIAL WOES

Former Beers Stu (Left) and Jordan (Right) in their new PCHL digs

The Oakland Beers have announced a stunning fire sale of talent as a result of what a team representative referred to as "major financial woes." The unnamed source elaborated:

It's not all finalized at this point...but let's just say we are going to be a much different squad next year. Things were going fine this season until Beer Gribble convinced a bunch of guys on the team to invest in his new confectionery, Gribble's Nibbles. The whole thing was a sham - your classic pyramid scheme - and he took off to the South Pacific with about 80% of our assets.

On the bright side of all this, the PCHL as a whole is going to get a lot more fashionable with all these Beers moving around the league. And the Beers are very excited about the young talent they've been acquiring, notably Noble "Lil C Murder" Crosby, who we got in exchange for Beer Jamo's arsenal of antique firearms, and Danny Cleaners, who we swapped for Dan Uggla, some bozo we recently picked up on waivers. Unfortunately we had to let go of Keenan "Triple Play" Beers because the Washington Generals put an offer on the table we couldn't refuse, two veteran small forwards and a journeyman point guard. We wish Keenan the best of luck, and we look forward to incorporating these Generals into our own unique culture of winning.

BREAKING: BERKELEY NEWS WIN TITLE

NEWS RAF' IS A GIF FROM THE BASEBALL FASHION GODS

Images courtesy of Wario Beers

BREAKING: STONEHOUSE ACCIDENTALLY TRADED FOR PITCHER OF MICHELADA

It's official: the Oakland Beers have accidentally traded Stonehouse to the L.A. Gamblaz of the Los Angeles Parks & Rec League for a pitcher of michelada. Beers Management held an emergency press conference early Wednesday morning to address the snafu. Jordan Beers read from an official statement:

I am reluctant to confirm that - in fact - the Oakland Beers have traded Stonehouse to the Gamblaz in exchange for a delicious pitcher of michelada. As the manager of this organization, I take full responsibility for this embarrassing situation. With that said, I just want to clarify that the circumstances were very misleading and complicated. I was repeatedly told that we would be getting a former Minor League pitcher by the name of Juan Michelada. They said his career ERA was under 3.00 and that he was a workhorse, they had all these forged documents. They assured me he could easily go nine innings in the PCHL.

When it was time to pull the trigger the Gamblaz' GM says, 'So you send us Stonehouse and we send you One Michelada Pitcher?' And I thought he was talking about Juan Michelada, this flame-throwing, journeyman pitcher, who in fact does not exist. I signed off on the deal and the rest is history, I don't know what else to tell you. We goofed up on this one and that's that.

Although, I guess I should add that the pitcher of michelada was pretty excellent. It had the perfect amount of spice and it was actually quite strong, I definitely got a little buzz going. I made some fish tacos at home and caught up on a few episodes of 'Two and a Half Men,' it was a pretty cool night. You say what you will but that Ashton Kutcher cracks me up!

UPDATE: DEALER SAM RELEASES DEBUT MIXTAPE

Dealer Sam has announced the release of his debut mixtape, "Jock Rock: Volume 1." The PCHL Fashion Icon and Mission Street Dealer has agreed to an undisclosed, multi-record contract with Tommy Boy Records. The sports-and-fashion themed cassette was co-produced by ESPN and will be available nationwide at Blockbuster Video stores. Follow Dealer Sam and his mercurial rise on Instagram.

2015 PCHL SPRING FASHION RUMOR MILL: MISSION STREET DEALERS

The artist relaxes in his studio

Dealer Gomez drifts throughout his expansive Hunter's Point studio, glowing with enthusiasm and eager to discuss his new sculptures. "You know - I have to admit - this whole art thing took me by surprise," the Mission Street Dealers' slugging first baseman humbly remarks. "It all just started as a hobby when I got injured last season. I like to tinker with things, put stuff together. I always have. But I never thought of my work as 'fine art' or whatever. That all changed when John [Berggruen] put me in a group show last September. Gagosian picked me up shortly thereafter, and the next thing you know I'm at documenta doing body shots with John Waters and Steve Martin at 4 in the morning in some Russian oil mogul's super yacht. It's been a real whirlwind this past year but I'm soaking it all up and just trying to stay focused on making strong work."

PCHElle visited the artist in his studio recently to discuss his work, PCHL fashion trends, and the highly anticipated 2015 Dealers Spring Line. Gomez requested that the details of our conversation remain private, but he was willing to confirm rumors about the Dealers' 2015 promotional item that has taken the Northern California amateur baseball fashion blogosphere by storm: the Spoon Bobblehead.

"I'm just happy that I can help the team in some way with my visual art," he said of the effigy. "When team management approached me about commissioning a Dealer bobblehead for opening day, I immediately knew that I would render Spoon. He is a leader in our clubhouse and a real style icon throughout the league, it was a no-brainer."

Gomez used a staff of 15 artist assistants to fabricate the bobblehead dolls, which exist in a limited edition of 1,000. The signed dolls will be given out to the first 1,000 fans in attendance at the Dealers' 2015 Opening Day game. "I feel like I've really captured Spoon's essence with this piece," Gomez continued, "and I just can't wait for Opening Day to release these important works out into the world. Also, I'm really excited to suit up in our new, baby blue alternate uniform. I look amazing in pastels."

"The Spoon Bobblehead," (2014) by Dealer Gomez. Ed. 1,000, mixed media with found objects, 8" x 1" x .75"