BEERS ANNOUNCE UNPRECEDENTED FIRE SALE AMIDST FINANCIAL WOES

Former Beers Stu (Left) and Jordan (Right) in their new PCHL digs

The Oakland Beers have announced a stunning fire sale of talent as a result of what a team representative referred to as "major financial woes." The unnamed source elaborated:

It's not all finalized at this point...but let's just say we are going to be a much different squad next year. Things were going fine this season until Beer Gribble convinced a bunch of guys on the team to invest in his new confectionery, Gribble's Nibbles. The whole thing was a sham - your classic pyramid scheme - and he took off to the South Pacific with about 80% of our assets.

On the bright side of all this, the PCHL as a whole is going to get a lot more fashionable with all these Beers moving around the league. And the Beers are very excited about the young talent they've been acquiring, notably Noble "Lil C Murder" Crosby, who we got in exchange for Beer Jamo's arsenal of antique firearms, and Danny Cleaners, who we swapped for Dan Uggla, some bozo we recently picked up on waivers. Unfortunately we had to let go of Keenan "Triple Play" Beers because the Washington Generals put an offer on the table we couldn't refuse, two veteran small forwards and a journeyman point guard. We wish Keenan the best of luck, and we look forward to incorporating these Generals into our own unique culture of winning.